I have always, like most normal people, been completely disgusted by Valentine’s Day. It’s a big ol’ corporate trick (that we fall for every single year) to get us to spend even MORE money we don’t have on shit we most certainly do not need. Seriously, when was the last time one of those plush grey From Me To You bears clutching a red sateen heart served any other purpose than to painfully remind you of the douche of an ex who gave it to you? It’s also ruthlessly cruel in that it excludes single people and reminds them that they’re worth less than non-single people (great message we’re sending to the kids, there) and, even if you are in a relationship, you really should not need a day that you share with the rest of the population to remind your partner that you do, in fact, think they’re spiffy.

It’s also not all that great for this here second wave of feminism we’re currently surfing. The onus often seems to be on the boys to cough up for gifts. If we are truly working towards real equality, shouldn’t the girls be responsible for showing their love via the medium of pointless heart-shaped crap too? The answer is no, because NOBODY should have to prove their love that way, whatever their gender.

IT’S POINTLESS. It is literally the most nothing-y of holidays. International Talk Like A Pirate Day is of more national importance than Valentine’s Day.

To escape the stupidity, I often bugger off to Devon with some friends over “Valentine’s Weekend”, thus reclaiming it as JUST A NORMAL WEEKEND WHERE FUN STUFF ACTUALLY HAPPENS. It’s like a hen do without the hen – truly the best kind – and it never fails to perk me up. When I met my boyfriend, I made my stance on Valentine’s perfectly clear: I don’t like it, and I will often not be spending it with you. I like anniversaries and birthdays and Christmas (hey, I’m not a monster), but not national Spend Money On Crap Day. Like most boys, he also considered it stupid so was happy to never celebrate it.

However, come 14th February, he saw his colleagues booking trips to Paris and bulk-buying the red roses and panicked. Maybe I’d been bluffing? Maybe I was going to be REALLY RATHER CROSS if he ignored Valentine’s Day? So he panic-bought a velveteen, heart-shaped box of chocolates and a bunch of pretty flowers and slept easy. He woke me up the following morning (already a bold move), beaming proudly, proffering said gifts. While I was touched (“WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? IF THIS GETS OUT I’LL BE RUINED.”), I still mercilessly ridiculed him for succumbing to peer-pressure and corporate greed. We have pared it back to an exchange of funny cards now, which brings me to my actual point…

I will admit that I do find one thing quite enjoyable about the 14th Feb: the design work that appears at this time of year. Every year the Valentine’s comedy gets better and better, with niche copywriters and designers putting their talents to hilarious use all over my social media networks. I LOVE a funny Valentine’s Instagram post, so I’m going to be putting together a few of my favourites (they’re all Copy Kat originals apart from one…can you guess which, I wonder?) and releasing them over the week running up to the 14th.

How am I spending Valentine’s Day this year? Well, not in Devon. I will in fact be in Cape Town celebrating a very old (the friendship, not the friend) friend’s marriage. It’s a family wedding, so on the actual 14th I will be having dinner with my boyfriend…and my Mum and Dad. Romantic, eh? The tradition lives on…