I didn’t expect to love the film Mama Mia. I am, at best, a flighty and fair-weather ABBA fan and genuinely can’t watch anything with Dominic Cooper or Amanda Seyfried in it for more than about five minutes before screeching obscenities at the screen. And a film with BOTH of those milky-eyed idiots in it? No. Hard no.

Ah, but the Streep factor. It’s difficult –nay impossible –to ignore her siren song. I was powerless to resist and naturally ended up seeing it five times. Up on my feet dancing in the actual cinema no less.

So when my dear friend and musical obsessive Emily sent me a giddy missive informing me that they were making a sequel that had a Cher cameo in it, I was excited.

Trickily, I live in Devon now and haven’t made any new friends yet. Woody wouldn’t go and see it with me and Keith isn’t into musicals, so I never made it to the cinema. But as luck would have it, as I strap in for a 12-hour flight to Cancun to start my honeymoon while Woody gets quietly, happily drunk beside me on tiny bottles of Bombay Sapphire, WHAT FILM SHOULD HAPPEN TO BE SHOWING?

That’s right.

Bring on the lamé! Bring on the Firth! Bring on the camp! 

  1. Urgh early Amanda Seyfried. I might need one of those tiny gins.
  2. Ruby Sheridan. Is this the fabled Cher cameo maybe??
  3. Even the way she says “Señor” is fucking annoying.
  4. Wait.
  5. Is Meryl DEAD?
  6. *throws hands up in the airI’m out.
  7. Hang on, gold lamé boots to signify the ‘70s. I’m back in.
  8. Oh God LILY JAMES. I forgot she was young Meryl. Do you think we could have just one fucking film in 2018 that doesn’t star Lily James? In WHAT WORLD can she fill those magnificent golden boots?
  9. Yeesh, that American accent is not good.
  10. Excellent costume rip-reveal, mind. That must have taken a few takes.
  11. I suspect this young actress might not do the great Walters justice, either.
  12. In fairness, Streep, Walters and Christine Baranski. Tough acts to follow.
  13. I don’t know this Teacher song. S’good.
  14. THAT OXFORD STUDENT FLAT. LOLZ.
  15. I have never been to a student flat that looked like that.
  16. OK, so Dominic Cooper survived whatever killed Streep. SOUNDS LIKELY.
  17. Cooper’s Noo Yoik pad is tasty as hell. All the copper and navy.
  18. “Take care, Soph.” Seems a tad cavalier. Weren’t they engaged n’stuff?
  19. Ooof the interiors of this film are TIGHT. Her bedroom is like a Anthropologie/Greek honeymoon dream. 
  20. Good to know there’s obviously a Zara Home on Donna’s remote Greek island.
  21. No, no, Dominic Cooper. NO singing for you.
  22. YAS! TANYA AND ROSIE TIME.
  23. Is there a person alive that doesn’t worship at the very feet of Christine Baranski?
  24. Great hat game, Chrissy. Loving you, girl.
  25. “Bill is receiving an award for being the Greatest Swede of All Time” Lolz, sure. Sounds like a thing, Sophie.
  26. “Be still my beating vagina” could very much have been my personal slogan during my twenties.
  27. “Have him washed and brought to my tent” Baranski being given ALL the zingers and rightly so. P.S. Because she’ll be looking for her name in this blog like she always does: Nat Maher, this line could be one of your originals. You’re pure Tanya, bird.
  28. Aw, is this young Colin Firth? BLESS.
  29. His French skills closely match my own.
  30. This “Parisian park” is clearly Kensington Gardens.
  31. The bum chin is strong in this one.
  32. Aw, little VIRGIN Colin Firth. Sweet.
  33. WAAAAAATERLOO! YAS! GIVE THE PEOPLE WHAT THEY WANT, MAMA MIA 2!
  34. Napoleonic waiters. I’m finding that way funnier than I should.
  35. This thing is so damn enjoyable.
  36. “That was the best event of my life.” In fairness, I’d kill for someone to say that to me shortly after lovemaking.
  37. Oh Dad #3 lives on the island!
  38. So THIS is where old Bonds go to grow old.
  39. Pierce Brosnan is all kinds of silver.
  40. I really, really hope Pierce has learnt his lesson. He’s not going to do something silly like sing again…
  41. …surely…
  42. …no…
  43. …no, we’re good. False alarm.
  44. Oooh, young Swedish Bill is giving me all the teenage feels.
  45. Vaguely feminist dialogue shoe-horned in. Tick.
  46. Wow, I don’t know this song either. I really am a lightweight ABBA fan. These must be back catalogue…
  47. Fairly pointless Omid Djalili appearance here.
  48. This script is trying desperately to make me hate this film but it will not prevail.
  49. Being both a hotel manager and a weatherman must come in handy.
  50. Baby Brosnan inda house…
  51. “It’s not easy being a mother, if it was fathers would do it.” Subtle.
  52. “Here on the island, everything just like that!” I mean, that would explain how she got knocked up so swiftly.
  53. This boat scene is like a budget version of the D&G Light Blue ad.
  54. Oh, hello, Sophie’s map print kimono. Feeling that big time.
  55. Trouva obvs delivers to this island, too. GTK.
  56. If they’ve got Amazon Prime as well I could well be persuaded to move here.
  57. I mean, they clearly have eyebrow waxers there. Lily James’ brow game is fierce.
  58. Have Donna and Baby Brosnan just moved in as squatters?
  59. That’s uncool.
  60. Oh dear, BB can’t sing either.
  61. It’s ok, buddy. Big Brosnan can’t hold a tune so this is all quite in keeping story-wise.
  62. Knowing Me Knowing You! ACE.
  63. YAY! REAL COLIN FIRTH!
  64. Do women my age ever really get over Colin Firth? Let’s call it the Darcy Effect.
  65. Is this the Greatest Swede of All Time Awards? Amazing.
  66. Wha…?
  67. Oh, OK, it’s not him.
  68. Handy twin.
  69. “He’s not an architect?” Lolz.
  70. “I don’t know how to sing about love when I’m not feeling it.” Alright, Princess. have to write about pet food for a living and I’m not a dog. Don’t see me sulking.
  71. MAMA MIA!
  72. I am feeling the aunties’ matching wardrobes. Do they live together in companionable, hilarious domestic bliss now?
  73. I’m going to say something controversial: this Angel Eyes song isn’t a classic.
  74. Julie Walters is timelessly beautiful.
  75. Hair-fetishist Omid Djalili gets another inexplicable five minutes of celluloid.
  76. Seriously, young Bill tho. Even his funny eyelid is hot.
  77. Be still my beating vagina.
  78. “I visually enjoy you.” Young Tanya is my spirit animal.
  79. I’m enjoying this sassy Greek mama giving Baby Brosnan what for.
  80. Aw, it’s Alexio guys! That guy Bill and Donna saved!
  81. Urgh Dominic Cooper. Go back to New York.
  82. Tanya’s wardrobe is incred.
  83. Sophie is waaaaaay self-involved. Only just noticing.
  84. This Dancing Queen reprise is awesome, as I hoped.
  85. Bill and Harry doing a Titanic! MAMA MIA 2, YOU SPOIL US.
  86. Oop! They’s both knocked up.
  87. Urgh, Sophie don’t. He’s dreadful.
  88. OHMIGOD is that the sound of helicopter blades?
  89. IS IT…?
  90. IT IS!
  91. HOLYFUCKSTICKS
  92. *dies*
  93. Cher forever oxoxoxox
  94. They have given her some cracking lines…
  95. “I’ll be leaving that one outta the bio.”
  96. Yes, yes, let’s all look at Sophie again. Little Miss Center of Attention. Pan back to Cher already!
  97. This is also not the best ABBA song I’ve ever heard. #backcatalogue
  98. “You were a little pitchy…” Bitches need to know, Cher.
  99. DID SHE JUST SAY “FERNANDO”?
  100. MY HEART.
  101. [side note] I once snogged a boy called “Fernando”. I was at some kind of ball when I was around 15 and he introduced himself, “You know, like the ABBA song!” I had no idea what he was talking about. It’s all starting to make sense.
  102. “There was something in the air that niiight…”
  103. Hell is looking into Dominic Cooper’s smug Gap Yah face for eternity.
  104. Firth can really hang a suit.
  105. “Oh God, I hope his wife is dead.” *faints*
  106. STREEP! STREEP! 
  107. Well, at least we had one Streep sighting.
  108. This number is very pretty. But then Streep has a great set of pipes.
  109. Cher to close the show!
  110. That wig is MAGNIFICENT.
  111. Are we getting a second run at Super Trooper?!
  112. “Somewhere in the crowd there’s yoooooou…!”
  113. God, Streep’s a game bird, isn’t she?
  114. As are the granddads for donning the platforms once again, bless them.
  115. I’m in raptures.